One
by Tribblepoo
Summary: The reflections of a wounded mobil suit pilot and how the war ended for him. Rated for depressionsuicidal ranting.


**Disclaimer-** I do not own Gundam Wing or anything related to any of the Gundam series whatsoever, nor do I own the song 'One'. Gundam Wing is owned by Sunrise Inc. and 'One' is owned by Metallica. I am merely using both without intention of profit for the purpose of a bit of literary fun. Please enjoy the story.

One

By Gabriel Bell

   Pain. That's all I know. I can't seem to recall how I got this way, but somewhere deep down in this nightmare of agony I know. At least I hope this is a nightmare. How could it not be, a haze of painful obscuring of vision and hearing. I scream, but hear nothing and the air tears at my throat, as if my voice was something else I have lost.

_I can't remember anything_

_Can't tell if this is truth or dream_

_Deep down inside I feel to scream_

_Terrible silence stops me_

   I try opening my eyes, but nothing happens, I can't see anything. I try again and the same thing happens, nothing. Slowly the memories comeback to me. My mobile suit, the gundam, the day I should have died. I lift my arms to tear the bandages from my eyes and realize that I can't feel them. They aren't numb like I have painkillers coursing through them, but like…like they aren't there!

_Now that the war is through with me_

_I'm waking up I cannot see_

_Not that there's not much left of me_

_Nothing is real but pain now_

    I have laid here for I don't know how long, reflecting on what I can through the pain. The pain, it dominates my every thought, my every mood, it dominates my life. Dammit! Why did I have to live? This isn't life…I am simply some bastard that death forgot. So now I pray. I pray to God to help me end myself. Just let my body shut down, like a mobile suit. All I want now is to die…

_Hold my breath as I wish for death_

_Please God wake me_

   It's almost like being in my mother's belly again, except I don't think it was this painful. Every day and night I feel those tubes pumping shit into me. Whatever it is that they put in those tubes to feed me, it doesn't do anything to settle my stomach. Hunger, pain, death, the only thought that can ever override those is shame. I failed. I failed Oz, I failed my commanders, and I failed myself. Ever since the day when I faced that gundam in my Leo, I have felt like a failure. Whatever I did, is it worth this punishment?

_Back in the womb it's much too real_

_In pumps life that I must feel_

_Can't look forward to reveal_

_Look to the time when I lived_

_Fed through the tube that sticks in me_

_Just like a wartime novelty_

_Tied to machines that make me be_

_Cut this life off from me_

   One more time I wish for death to come take me, and one more time the Reaper ignores me. How have I ever wronged him? Maybe by making too much work for him, or maybe it is that I have never done anything for him…

_Hold my breath as I wish for death_

_Please God wake me_

_Now my world is gone I'm just one_

_God help me_

_Hold my breath as I wish for death_

_Oh please God help me_

   God…I am beginning to remember…I am remembering that day on the field of battle. It seems like centuries ago, but I know it probably isn't more than a couple of weeks. If I knew then what I know now, that the limits of my sight and hearing would me limited to remembering that battle, then maybe I wouldn't have gotten into my mobile suit. 

_Darkness imprisoning me_

_All that I see_

_Absolute horror_

_I cannot live_

_I cannot die_

_Trapped in myself_

_Body my holding cell_

   That gundam…Gundam Number Four if I remember right…the one with those two blades, it was the one that took me down. There was a battle at a spaceport, I don't remember which one, it isn't important now. I can see myself firing at him and the two other gundams there, the shots from my beam rifle either not hitting or having any effect.

_Landmine has taken my sight_

_Taken my speech_

_Taken my hearing_

_Taken my arms_

_Taken my legs_

_Taken my soul_

_Left me with life in hell_

   As I rushed toward him, I fired again and again. I remember his blades slicing through my cockpit, causing an explosion of sparks around me. The last thing I ever heard was that pilot's voice over my radio before it went dead. The two words he spoke will haunt me for the rest of my life…I wonder just how he would feel if he knew he caused some to suffer with the fate that I have…But those words, something about them, the way he said them tells me that he would help me end my pitiful existence, if he only knew. Over and over I hear them…

   "I'm sorry…" Then silence…forever…


End file.
